Paying the Price
Early reads in MKE brought about some questioning. Is this a Godly way to think or direction to take? I was facing material that didn’t gel with my current views and the temptation was to take a road less challenged.
I finally made a firm decision to march forward into this uncharted territory and take it to the end. So where am I in this journey so far with eight weeks to go? I am in a state of the deepest spiritual growth I have ever experienced. There have been days of complete jubilation and days of tears.
Hebrews 12:1 says “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run the race marked out for us.”
For weeks now, I have been focused on finding, being aware, and turning from my old blueprint. I probably drove my mastermind absolutely crazy, but I was determined. It was my key to forward movement. It was the anchor that held me back from launching.
I struggled to try to find it, begged others for help to see it, and was tormented that it wasn’t obvious to me.
And then it happened…
Slowly at first and then a flood of realization of what the blueprint of my life looked like. It was not a pretty picture but just perhaps, I had grown to a place where I could see the ugly realities. I was relieved and crushed at the same time. The sin that “entangled me” was not the type that lived on my sleeve but those deep demons of thoughts on the inside.
If you are reading this and saying to yourself, tell me how I find it! I wish I had all the answers. But this I can tell you… You will not find it in the busyness of life. You find it by opening yourself in the quiet morning sits, or the hour of dedication at night. It will come to each of us at different times, in different ways, but only if you are ready to receive it.
Picture an onion’s layers being peeled back one by one. Each layer that was revealed leading to another layer. As I was prepared to receive the answer, they came. The conscious mind told me I was good, had made great strides, and was growing yet for some gnawing reason, I knew better. Quieting the soul and preparing to hear the subconscious mind’s wisdom is where the magic happened. I would wake up after a night’s sleep and a realization would appear.
As I experience each piece of the blueprint map, I was able to trace it back to an event, an environment, a comment that labeled, a disappointment, and the list goes on. There is probably more to the blueprint than I have now, but I have enough of a picture and understanding to say to myself “I LOVE YOU, Pam Plager” and we have some work to do. A clear picture of the race is marked out for me and I am ready, willing and able.
LESSON LEARN: You will find your answers when you are ready to receive them.